We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
