Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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