Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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