Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
