so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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