why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
