He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
