I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
