P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize