Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
