me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
