Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
