the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
