Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
