I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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