He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
