mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
