I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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