Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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