I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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