highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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