You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
