Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
