It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
