we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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