Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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