did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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