my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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