Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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