let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
