Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
