Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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