i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
