ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
