So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
