Im at strip club and am horny
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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