I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
