If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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