Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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