next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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