I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize