oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
