I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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