Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
