My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize