They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize