Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
