he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
