I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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