My first STD was from a foam party
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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