We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We talked him into tasing himself.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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