Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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