I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
