Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
