She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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