I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
