Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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