Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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