No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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