he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
