Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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