idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
too bad you live with your parents still
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize