I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
