Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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