The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
