Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
