There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
