dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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