I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
