Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
