If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
