it was like eating out sand paper
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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