You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
