is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Randomize
