You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
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