Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
