Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I hate all girls vehemently.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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