We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i think i just lost a toe
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
