My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
