I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
