I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
