I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
