Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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