Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
