if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
