I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
