Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
