he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
