U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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