Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Drunk walkin through police station. America
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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