And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize