I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
