I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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