I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
