No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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