so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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